


More Than You Know

by thecellardoors



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse, Angst, Cheating, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Eventual HEA, F/M, Heart Break, Heavy Angst, High School, Infidelity, Marijuana, Masturbation, Minors Having Sex, Neglect, Oral Sex, Orgasms, Sexual Intercourse, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, break ups
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:00:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25902463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecellardoors/pseuds/thecellardoors
Summary: Trapped in an unhappy relationship, a random encounter with Ben Solo makes Rey realize that she’s only living a half-life and she needs to break free.It’s easier said than done.High school au.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 7
Kudos: 12





	More Than You Know

**Author's Note:**

> hi welcome to this angst-trash hope you enjoy.
> 
> If I need to update tags along the way I’ll add them. If there’s anything I haven’t tagged that I should, let me know. 
> 
> To clarify: Rey is dating Hux in the beginning of this fic. Eventually, she and Ben will get together. The “infidelity & cheating” tags apply to Rey cheating on Hux with Ben. I am a Reylo, I wouldn’t make either of them cheat on each other. 
> 
> TW: dubious consent sex between Rey and Hux. It does not go into detail. I want to stress that they are in an abusive relationship, and if you aren’t interested in reading about this topic, please stop now. Hux is the villain in this story, please remember that.

Sometimes, I have to remind myself, that Hux is what I  _ want.  _

There was a time - when I was younger and dumber, more naive, I guess - when his smile made my heart beat harder. When his fingertips blazed trails up my thighs and made me tingle between them. When someone would say, “You’re Armie’s girlfriend, right?” And it felt like a warm spotlight was shining on me, like the Red Sea was parting for  _ me _ , like I belonged. 

After the childhood I had, it was all I really wanted. To be included. To feel loved. And that’s what Hux made me feel, for a really long time. 

It’s easy to forget that, though, in moments like these.

He’s drunk and his breath reeks of beer and whiskey and cigarettes. Arm heavy around my shoulders, his weight making me stagger a bit beside the messy beer-pong table in the Tico’s dining room. We are surrounded by our nearest and dearest friends - the cheerleading squad, the jocks, the cooler stoner-alternative kids that are mostly about the “aesthetic.” Everyone is shit-faced, including me, but I feel numb instead of elated like the rest of the room.

When did it change? When did it go from a celebration to a chore? When did these people that I considered so important turn into background noise in my head? I take a swig of the flat keg beer in my cup and force a smile as Hux manhandles me around.

I’m still in my cheer uniform - I push the thought about having to get it dry-cleaned out of my head - and Hux palms my ass under my skirt before dragging me away from the crowd, out onto the brick patio surrounding the kidney-shaped pool. 

The cool autumn air is relief against my heated cheeks as we collapse on one of the cushioned lounge-chairs. The light within the pool glows pale, casting his features in eerie shadows, making him look sinister as he grins down at me.

“Come on, Rey,” he says, like I’m a child he’s trying to cajole into some unwanted task. Fingers slide up my legs and I barely feel them as they trace the crotch of my spankies. I don’t say anything - just crane my neck back and stare up at the sprinkling of stars as he opens the front of his jeans. I’m drunk - so drunk that the rocking of his pelvis into mine reminds me of the ocean, of floating on waves, of drifting away…

  
  
  


When he finishes, he stands and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Gonna have to do better than that, sweetheart,” he snaps, the hiss of his zipper too loud in my ears. He walks away, back into the party, and I sit up slowly. Drag my panties and spankies back into place, smooth down my pleated skirt. A sob aches in my throat, threatening to choke me, when a clatter off to the side makes me flinch and squeak in surprise.

“Sorry - sorry.” Deep voice belonging to a tall shadow. It untangles from a pile of folding chairs across the patio. Once he steps into the light, I realize who it is and wish for the ground to open and swallow me whole. 

Ben Solo. 

I’m too disoriented and fucked up to do much but gape up at him in befuddlement, but he seems to have more wits about him than me. “You ok, kid?”

“What? I’m fine.” I sniffle and stand, folding my arms over my chest and straightening my spine defiantly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oooh-Kay,” he says, sounding wholly unconvinced. He scratches at his shaggy black hair and frowns. “It looked kinda like, SVU out here. Do you… I mean, do you need help?” 

I glare as fiercely as I can. “I’m  _ fine. _ ”

Ben throws his hands up in surrender. “If you say so.”

“I’m not a  _ kid _ ,” I add, even though I sound as petulant as a three year old. 

That makes one side of his mouth turn up in a lopsided grin. “Sure. Ok. Just let me know - I’d love to knock the shit out of that ginger fuck.” He nods before heading through the sliding door into the party. I stand there a minute in the cold, unsure what to think. 

Then I turn, I go inside. I find a shot of Stoli, and Kaydel finds me with a lit blunt, and I don’t have any thoughts anymore. 

  
  
  


////

  
  
  


It wasn’t  _ always  _ like this. 

My parents lost custody when I was twelve. I was taken out of an abject, drug-riddled project housing apartment in the shittiest part of Jakku and dropped into my grandfather’s custody in Chandrila. I went from knock-down, drag-out screaming matches in the scrubby front yard to absolute silence in a stone mansion on the edge of town. In Jakku, I had friends - kids who would steal candy when the bodega cashiers were screaming at whatever drunk was trying to beg for another bottle, or whatever diversion we could muster up with on our own, to a fridge full of food that I could eat whenever I wanted and the kind of money that even the richest folks dreamed about. 

I was a real Orphan Annie, except my parents weren’t dead - just fucked up - and my Daddy Warbucks was old and crippled and mostly had his staff deal with me.

I started Chandrila Middle for eighth grade. Kids stared at me - not because I was dirty, wearing ill fitting, second hand clothes like I was used to. But because I was Rey  _ Palpatine _ , and they knew that meant I was filthy fucking rich. 

I met Hux and his friends pretty quickly. Kaydel was my first friend, and when I was alone with my lunch tray in the massive cafeteria on my first day, she grabbed my arm and steered me to her table with a knowing smile. I thought it was a trick - that she was going to embarrass me or something. I was distrustful of the entire situation, of course. Like something  _ this good _ would happen to a poor little girl from Jakku. 

Over time, I loosened up. I made more friends. I told Kaydel about finding my parents passed out with needles in their arms and how to hide bruises. I was  _ interesting,  _ like a wild animal in a cage, something to study and show off to her friends. She thought it was funny when I didn’t know what things were - like a panini press or a Kardashian - and her tinkling laughter made me want  _ more _ .

But Kaydel was fascinating to me, too. 

Her mother was always at home. She lounged around the house in fancy exercise clothes that never saw an elliptical (though they had many work out machines that I marveled over during our slumber parties, to Kay’s delight). She drank all day but she never screamed, never hit anyone. Just fell asleep in front of the television. Her father was  _ never  _ home, working deep in the city in a towering building late into the night. They seemed so… safe. So normal. I ached with jealousy when Kaydel whined. I wanted something like that. 

The year brought us closer together than I could have imagined two people being. I was always at her side, always the person she looked to when something funny or shocking happened. I was part of the group, even if I still felt separate. It only took a year to assimilate. I still stood out, though - in little ways. But it was obvious.

Maybe that’s what made Hux ask me to be his girlfriend after our eighth grade graduation. He gave me a flower and his pale cheeks turned pink and it was so easy - so  _ easy  _ \- to say yes. To believe I was this special girl, that I was living in a dream. 

Four years later, and everything has changed. 


End file.
